Emily's Overdue Secret

Some people invest money wisely; they enquire about ISA’s, open a high interest savings account or buy stocks or shares in a company. Other people like my wife, Emily invest in libraries. Now don’t assume that because Emily loves books she kindly donates money by direct debit each month enabling the library to by lots of encyclopaedias; that would be known as a false assumption.

Emily is fantastic at returning books late, this leads to large library fines. I hoped that by moving to the other side of the world she might leave this annoying habit behind, my hope was crushed yesterday.

In the (internal) post came the notice, OVERDUE book. The school didn’t know Emily’s past before they allowed her to borrow books, if they had they would have kindly and politely sent her packing. They didn’t know better and it would seem Emily didn’t either; here she had a clean slate, a chance to break this pattern of behaviour, to learn a better way.

The school has the most dangerous policy when it comes to overdue library books; it dangerous because they don’t charge any fines to members of staff. Emily (aka the chicken) sent me to return the book. When I returned giving the news about there being no fine Emily punched the air letting out a relieved and satisfied YES!

This is the worst possible outcome for Emily (as I see it). What incentive is there for her to ever return library books on time; the library will have to raid the dorm in search of overdue books if they ever want to get them back.

If this habit is not turned around I fear that the £18 fines I’ve paid in the past in UK libraries will double or even triple when we return home. I think she may need some help in the future.

the cecak and the toaster, a true story

Just before I get started let me teach you how to pronounce the word cecak. The Indonesians use a ch sound whenever there is a c; so cecak when sounded out is like this: cheechak; now on with the story:

The toaster enjoys a peaceful life on the kitchen work top. Every now and then its insides are warmed as bread is placed into the toasters mouth and its belly button is pressed. The toasters body temperature rises and the bread is gently toasted; when the toaster is ready it spits the toast up to be taken away and adorned with butter and jam. It’s a simple life for the toaster.

The toaster wasn’t happy! Emily had noticed that for a day or so the toaster looked a little speckled, like it had contracted a skin condition. On examination she was discovered it not to be a skin infection, but an infestation of tiny red ants; they had come to consume the food in the toaster.

A friendly cecak had come along for a meal as well. He’d come to eat the crumbs of bread the toaster kindly leaves under its belly for those needing its charity; except the cecak was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Emily was the first to discover the horrific truth. The cecak had got to close to the electrical parts of the toaster and as the toaster had started to do what it does best, warmed its insides, the cecak was electrocuted and fused in place.

The cecak’s back legs were on the worktop, the rest of its body inside the toaster, the ants all over it. Emily took the toaster outside and called the bug exterminator. I (Paul, the bug man; cockroach squishing a speciality) turned up to deal with the problem. First things first the cecak can’t stay there. I find the long nose pliers and gently ease it out; I don’t want to pull too hard for fear of pulling it in half. It’s out, few. I toss it over the back fence to be eaten by the bugs outside, brush the tiny red ants off my arms and return to the toaster. I decide for the all round happiness of our family and the toaster to give the toaster a good clean. The red ants are still eating the tiny bits of skin left form the front paws of the cecak, they’ll have to move, it’s deep clean time.

Once cleaned the toaster is placed back in its familiar place atop the worktop. It looks grateful I think. It was obviously not too disturbed by the ordeal as it made good toast the following day. Emily and I have an unspoken rule now; not to talk about the cecak in the toaster while one of us is making toast. The toaster has also taken an oath of silence; we all agree it’s for the best.